Dating and relating north of forty and fifty-plus

Love and Happiness

When I get older losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a Valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.

If I’d been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four. You’ll be older too
And if you say the word
I could stay with you

When I’m Sixty-Four, Lennon/McCartney

I’m so scared of getting older

I’m only good at being young

So I play the numbers game

To find a way to say my life has just begun

Don’t Stop This Train, John Mayer

Thirty-five years ago, Newsweek (wrongly) declared that single women over 40 are more likely to be killed by terrorism than to get married—prompting a nationwide crisis whose anxiety still lingers. Nora Ephron translated that factoid into a little move titled Sleepless In Seattle.

It’s easier to be killed by a terrorist than it is to find a husband over the age of 40″, a male coworker informs Annie.

“That statistic is not true!” Annie protests.

Becky (Rosie O’Donnell) settles the debate. “That’s right—it’s not true,” she says. “But it feels true.”

The June 1986 issue of Newsweek titled the piece with the headline “Too Late for Prince Charming?”  According to The Atlantic the piece is very much a product, and a reflection, of its time—a time when Americans were navigating the consequences of the baby boom and the women’s liberation movement and the sexual revolution and the advent of the birth-control pill and economic recession and economic prosperity and the many, many other events that made the ’70s and ’80s times of simmering cultural anxieties.

Like millions of people, I liked Sleepless in Seattle. I felt it was a cute, lighthearted, and funny film. Although Newsweek’s article in 1986 was considered hard facts, I found it to be about as filling as cotton candy, with all of the tooth rot.

Thankfully, we really have come a long way. The traditional roles we were expected to fulfill even in the broad-shoulder pads of the eighties, have changed tremendously. More women are going to college and not putting off a career to get married or have children. The average age of first-time brides has risen. Moreover, now these brides have options to ensure their fertility later on when they are ready to have children. Women can freeze their eggs, undergo invitro-fertilization, use surrogacy, or adopt. The biological clock can be paused and reset. Older mothers aren’t look down on any more, and they’re more common now.

It is also possible to find yourself at a particular age with children and a divorce or relationship under your belt. You may be at a crossroads in determining how you want to move forward, and you have options including

  • Online Dating
  • Blind Dates
  • Church
  • Political/Civic Events
  • Matchmakers
  • Bars, Clubs

Where you chose to meet potential dates is personal and you might have a lot of questions, but don’t know who to ask. Or maybe you know who to ask, you’re just not sure. We want to be a resource for information and a few laughs about the state of dating. No matter who you are, follow the blog for new posts and links to the podcast.

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Still A Chick Life north of 40 and 50+ is anything but cold.